


Alone Together

by islasands



Series: Lambski [76]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 03:15:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islasands/pseuds/islasands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes love is such a perfect match that time falls like straw and burns. Two lives don't so much become one, as they co-exist in an energy exchange that is inexplicably and perfectly right, as in correct and proper, like a universe that is forever blindly decaying and renewing.</p><p>The music is Debussy's famous "Claire de Lune". It's beautiful but like moonlight has a pleasing lack of sentimentality that I thought was appropriate for the setting of this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone Together

"Claire de Lune"

 

Claude Debussy

 

  


 

 

"Everything you do, you do on your own." This was his thought as he fucked his lover. His  
mind was floating above his body's actions like a water lily floating above the disturbed  
muck of a pond. The flower of his thinking processes felt just like that, like stiff pointed  
petals aiming themselves at the sun, while beneath him the trailing  
roots of his emotions were tugging at the mud in his groin.

The pond metaphor appealed to him. He imagined his cock was teeming with miniature  
goldfish and when he ejaculated they would swim into the water of his life, _his_ life, not  
Sauli's. "And everything you do, is for yourself," his mind observed, as he felt Sauli's  
body falling away from him in the underwater murk. His mind made an effort to reconnect  
but failed. It didn't matter. His body, always so matter of fact, performed appropriately  
compassionate actions on autopilot. It knew, his cock knew, that Sauli's rectum was not  
a goldfish bowl. His mind laughed at his thought. He held Sauli close. He heard himself  
saying things. He could feel the decaying of lust taking place inside both of them. The gold  
that the alchemy of fucking always created. The gold dust of decay. He felt it escaping  
from the tangle of their limbs and for a moment was distraught. He had the sudden wish  
to impregnate him. Yes, he did wish that. He would like one of his fish to set up house in  
Sauli's abdomen where it would grow into an enormous golden carp with sad looking eyes.  
It would be squashed in there. A small truth of his own being lodged inside the prison of  
Sauli's flesh and blood, slowly growing fat in the trap and making him a prisoner in turn.

Sauli's face suddenly appeared above his own and the rough texture of it, compared to  
the fluidity of his thoughts, shocked him back into his body. The distress of being alone,  
abruptly left him. "Fucking does that," he thought. "The one time when you think you have  
absolute agency. Such bullshit." He smiled into Sauli's eyes. He wondered if he would feel  
the same about him if his eyes were brown. He decided he wouldn't. He knew plenty of  
people with blue eyes, but the blue of Sauli's eyes was different. It was a cold, pale blue  
as though it was always dawn in his head. A new day. There was no particular kindness in  
that event, no promise in that blue, and he liked that about Sauli. His gaze, which more or  
less encapsulated his character, had the potential to make him squirm or recoil as though  
he was about to be found out for something. Something hidden, even from himself. It  
made loving him a risky business. It empowered him. He felt he would follow this man to  
the ends of the earth, untiring in his primitive urge to protect and possess the only person,  
thus far in his life, who could see through him. And did. Right to the other side! To where  
his own world existed, so intact, so airily and factually beautiful.

"Did you miss me?" he heard himself asking, between kisses.

"Not at all," said Sauli, who for reasons of his own was master of the moment.

"Yes you did. You can't stand it."

Sauli rolled off him and lay looking up at the ceiling. He was thinking, well, feeling, how  
much he liked the weight of Adam's head, of his entire self really. "The weight of things  
is how we know we're alive," said a commentator's voice in his head. He raised his arm  
so that Adam could lay the rock of his head on his chest. He absentmindedly caressed  
the back of his neck. "Even light must weigh something," he thought. He put his hand  
on Adam's arm that was lying over his waist. The nerves in his knees twitched from the  
pressure of Adam's leg slung across them. His thoughts spread like a morning sky over  
the dark, lumpy terrain of his love. It lit lovingly on every part but without curiosity. His  
poor silly love, always wanting to know things. Even when we're fucking!

Yet that is what splits me open, he admitted to himself. His blind insistence. The knocking  
of his importunate need to know that I am his and no one else's. I like it. I like it a lot. He  
wants to drag me down into his depths and that's how he fucks me and it suits me down to  
the ground.

His pleasure in knowing this, like the pleasure of holding a stone in his hand,  
caused his free hand to wander down to his cock. He squeezed himself as though to extract  
a last, precious drop. He smiled remembering Adam looking up at him, smearing his lips  
with semen, his favorite lip gloss that tasted like bleach. "Love's bleach to remove the  
stains of our failings and fears." That was his sentence. That was his endless search. And  
even as he had said it his look had been deeply calculating, scanning him, wanting to pin  
him down even further. But he had nothing to say in reply. He was simply happy. Adam's  
claim on him, despite his best efforts, was not like a stake in the ground. It was more like  
a bird in the sky. Lightweight. Free. "Collectively my atoms may amount to something,"   
he vaguely thought. "But individually they are so beautifully light, almost to the point of  
non-existence."

"Of course I did," he said.

"Did what?" Adam asked. He was falling asleep.

"Miss you," Sauli said, with the conviction of a sun rising over the side of the world upon  
which he had not recently been shining.

"Well, I'm home now," Adam sighed. The water of his thoughts and feelings was being cleared by  
sleep and by the warm scent of Sauli's skin. A faint sound suddenly moved its depths.

"Your stomach is rumbling," he said.

"That's because you fucked me all the way to my gut. All the way to my chest. My lungs,"  
Sauli said, and Adam smiled into his shoulder.

Thus they slept, peaceful and unashamed. The universe of their love had successfully  
completed another cycle of renewal and decay. They were alone together amongst the great dance  
of the cosmos.

 

 


End file.
